Summer Sanity: Catching the Moments That Matter

It’s early Friday morning, and I’m standing in my kitchen preparing for Shabbat. A rogue fly zips furiously through the room while silver pots bubble excitedly on the stove. The smell of chicken and potatoes and veal pocket with savory allspice waft out of large black roasters perched majestically in the oven. I indulge in the quiet—this last sliver of stillness before the house wakes.

And then, I hear it.

The soft patter of small feet above.

Whispers.

A baby’s cry.

The rising of life to meet the day.

Sneakers declared missing. Someone has woken up with a mysterious rash. An angry seven-year-old stomps downstairs, shouting: “I am NOT going swimming in camp today!”

Oh, to be a grandma whose kids and grandkids move in for the summer. For those of us who’ve finally adjusted to the rhythm of empty nesting, the first few weeks living with family can feel disorienting. The crumbs. The crying. The desperate pleas for a pool. You watch helplessly as your personal space shrinks around you, and previously tidy rooms are now littered with toys, playmats and crumpled snack bags. Voices are loud. People move fast. Doors bang open and closed as everyone races into their day.

Yes, the transition into summer with a full house can be a challenge. But with patience—and some non-negotiable ground rules, (like no goldfish in grandmas’ bath)—they can also be a gift. The trick to living with your family is in the mental preparation and checking your expectations. First you must establish what you need to have a good summer and then decide how you yourself will meet those needs. Interrupting the stress response in your body when irritations arise is key. Never underestimate the power or a break, a breath, or a walk on the beach. If something needs to be communicated to a family member, pick a time when tensions are low. Remember, self-care is your number one tool. No one is going to take care of you, least of all your adult children whose eyes and ears are trained on their young family. 

So, in addition to strategic trips out of the house at certain hours,peace of mind can be found in perspective and focus. As a grandmother, if you stare too long at the mess, you’ll miss the message. All around you, tiny triumphs are happening each day. Fleeting moments that become more precious as you realize how fast time flies. For living with young families- the tears, tantrums and all, is to witness the blossoming of life itself. “Call us when you get there!” a parent shouts from the porch as their child pedals furiously for the first time down the street alone, helmet tilting sideways, to meet their friends. A gulp in your throat gives way to gratitude and awe, as you witness this rite of passage for this little person you love.

Summer is also a time for humor and flexibility. The sigh of relief when the toys in the den have finally been put away, the carpet vacuumed- only to find them strewn about moments later by a rambunctious three-year-old in space buns and a hello kitty knapsack, whose bus is late. To be a grandma is to watch life spill out so gloriously around you ….and to realize, that in this classroom of life, they are not your lessons to teach or learn. 

It takes both emotional resilience and verbal restraint to mind ones’ own business when tiny identities are forming all around you. You witness the hurts and slights your grandchild may carry home from camp- like being picked last in dodgeball again—or being laughed at by an older kid on the bus. Watching the brief flicker of pain move across your adult child’s face, you hold your breath. Then- the gentle exhale as they hug their child,promising a trip to 7/11 or Lighthouse to ease the days disappointments.

Rooting for your adult children as they face their own parenting challenges takes wisdom and courage. Watching. Praying. Detaching. Letting go. The skill of knowing when to offer a word of encouragement and when to zip your lip. It’s a dance to watch your family navigate both the joys and struggles of their own growing pains and not get distracted by thoughts of how you think they should be handling this particular situation.Milestones like “no more swimmies!” A first home run! A missing tooth! are often coupled with sidewalk chalk on the hardwood floors, and neon yellow playdough mashed into your couch. A whole universe of growing up—under one shared roof.

Summer is ten messy, fleeting, hot, humid, glorious weeks of living together.

An amalgam of personalities, schedules, and let’s not forget—so much food. You can grumble about the mess or be grateful for the memories.

Either way it all moves so fast.

And if we’re too busy complaining, we’ll miss it.