Outer as a Reflection of Inner

A few years ago, I planted a vegetable garden. A friend of mine came by to give me a few tips on how to care for it. She told me, for example, to focus on watering the roots and not so much on the outer leaves when watering. That makes sense, I thought. If we only water the surface, the roots will not be able to nourish the plant. As a parent, I remind myself to always “water” my children’s souls, not just their bodies.

This metaphor came to mind when I was reading about Sarah Imenu. The Torah recognizes Sarah’s beauty; Rashi says that at twenty years old, Sara had the wholesome beauty of a seven year old who does not use cosmetics and whose beauty is natural.

What is the Torah teaching us about outer beauty? 

Sarah’s outer beauty was a reflection of her inner beauty - her pure soul. Her inner beauty was untouched by the physical world. In fact, the Torah states that “all her years were good.” Commentators say that all her years were equally good. 127 years of hardships and challenges did not affect her happiness because she was always focused on her purpose and therefore, all her years were good. 

Sarah Imenu exemplifies the idea that outer beauty is a direct reflection of our inner beauty - our soul. 

Of course, as a parenting coach, I relate every Torah concept to parenting. Human beings are more than just physical; our spiritual and emotional selves need to be cultivated. If we over-emphasize our children’s physical or outer accomplishments, we may suppress their ability to create a life full of meaning and purpose - the core of self esteem and true happiness. 

Each child has a unique “spark,” a neshama, soul, that has the ability to illuminate the world with its beauty. It’s our job as parents, to teach our children how special and unique they are knowing that they have a mission in this world that’s deeper than the physical. They have G-d given qualities that were given to them to fulfill their mission in this world.  

The “outer” world may tell our children “you are not smart enough,” or “you are not pretty enough,” but when a child’s soul is watered properly, their inner voice will remind them of their importance and purpose in this world and that true beauty lies within. 

A note from Norma:

If someone were to have told me that I would be an author in my 30s, I would have laughed. Growing up I wasn’t a “good” student. I was a kind and obedient student, but school was challenging for me. I was, however, a very intuitive person; I listened and studied people and realized early on that I was emotionally mature and felt deeply for people.

Ironically though, after having my first daughter, I found it hard to “understand” her needs. I was lost. That's when I started taking parenting classes. Ten years later, I knew that this was my calling. People noticed that I was an “advanced” student of Mrs Tawachi, and when she couldn’t be reached, they would call me. 

During Covid, I received tons of calls, as you can imagine. Even before Covid hit I had this itch to do something, maybe go back to school, but I couldn’t make sense of it at that time. My husband suggested that I start writing down my thoughts after each phone call and the topic discussed. I loved the idea. Two months later, I had a complete manuscript! I love being a parenting coach, and I am blessed to be able to feel fulfilled everyday doing what I love.  

Writing this article made me realize that finding my purpose has brought me inner peace and true confidence - a beauty only found from within.